Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
