Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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