Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
