pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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