Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
