I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
