i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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