You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
