Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Not even the dog will look at me anymore.

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(303): View more from Colorado

there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

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(903): View more from Texas

I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in

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