so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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