You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
