you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
