o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
