Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
