I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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