he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
