Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
