oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
