ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
