literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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