Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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