I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize