Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
