I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
