theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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