We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
