my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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