So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
