just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
