i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
