Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
