Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
