the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
