so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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