where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
