I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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