Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
