How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
