I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
