MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
