last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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