how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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