there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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