he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
