There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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