Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
