I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
