I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
