its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
