I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
