So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
