I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
