fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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