Got a toothbrush?
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
