A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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