Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
