She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
