I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
no more duck duck goose at the bar
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
