Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
