I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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