your room smells of hookers.
And success
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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