How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
