She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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