WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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