Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
