alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
