i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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