i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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