I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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