Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
