this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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