and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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