like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
someone owes me an orgasm
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
