I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
