I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
