Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
