I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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