Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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