If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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