For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
