I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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